Many things have happened in the past half a month; and following the boys for 5 weeks in Korea also made me meet people, talk about things, acknowledge others.
I heard many things about what I supposedly think or what I have supposedly done, and not all of it is true. I don't care if people don't like me, but if they don't then it should at least be for real facts, not because of rumors. So there's how I think:


The fact is, I don't have the time to check on my boys in Korea and my boys in China. I had to make a choice.
Which was easily done.

Supi have Korea, I know where to check stuff, I understand the language more, I went to Korea for 5 weeks. They also have Jungsoo. Big help, I have to confess. Ah, and Chinese videos are m-lq..

SJM have my boys, but they also have the drama in the fandom following them, and 2 members that I have been so-so about for a long time because more than just often hearing not so great things about them, I also just didn't want to be attached to them too much. Because then, it would be too hard to support the 13 as I wanted to. But 'not being attached' doesn't mean that I don't like them. I absolutely never hated Henry, or said anything bad about him. I did say something bad about Zhoumi once after seeing him at the hotel in Thailand, and I still don't really know why I wrote this.. I wanted to make a public entry to annoy the hell out of some people who hate me (and also see how much time they would need to find out that I had a new public entry. Answer = pretty quick, less than 12 hours) but I thought that the fact that I also posted the Zhoumi picture in the super Junior community along with my report, and just the fact that I took pictures of him, would show that I did care a bit.. I'm not a paparazzi taking pictures just for the sake of taking pictures. But yeah, i screwed up on that public entry, and I quickly realized it and deleted the post 24 hours after posting it.

But people didn't believed me anyway, even before that entry, when I was saying that I didn't hate them at all. I always said that even though I was only13, I didn't hate Zhoumi and Henry. People never believed me and crescendo even said once that I was "always repeating the same excuses". Sorry to tell you but it's not 'excuses'. It's fact. I know what I feel and I don't hate them.
But maybe you are confused. I can be friends with people without agreeing 100% with what they say. I think some people forgot that along the way.
But whatever what some people think~ To tell you the truth I never even heard of 99% of the people who supposedly hate me. I see them in hate memes posting non-anonymously, or on some links people give me. Well. lol, okay~

As I was talking about my mistakes, I'll also talk about the second one I made. And in my memory, I did 2 stupid things in this fandom: The Zhoumi entry, which was a real screw up, and the only5 icons post in the public community. I wasn't realizing at that time how fierce some people were. I was just thinking 'you don't agree, then just don't care about it' ...But it would have been too easy. People started hating me because it sounded like I wasn't treating Zhoumi and Henry as humans or something... Maybe that's how you saw it, but I'll just explain how I was seeing it, because it wasn't like this, and if it sounded like this, I apologize.

The pictures used for those icons were official pictures. And changing them to have only Hangeng, Siwon, Donghae, Ryeowook and Kyuhyun was just something to say 'the way it should have been' to SM, because for me, it was. Not because Henry and Zhoumi don't deserve to be recognized and to become famous, I really don't know anything about Zhoumi except his performance of the Lion King song (lol) but I know for Henry that he is talented. But I... It's selfish, and it's coming from fear. I don't mind them being in SJM because it's good for them and it's good for the boys in China to have other Chinese members but it comes from fear to maybe see them being added in the main band.
Ever since ELF started in September to chant and protest for the safety of the 13, SM never said anything. If they weren't planning to add Zhoumi and Henry, they could have just said so. No more drama, no more chants to edit out of every single performance.
But they didn't, the only thing they officially answered was "The fans misunderstood what we said, Super Junior never stopped being a project band". For me, that was clear enough, like they meant "We will add new members in the future". So when SJM started, as much as they could have said that they were only here for SJM, I was scared. Because SM does anything they want, and they don't care about what ELF thinks. They just do it. And the problem comes from them, and only from them. I know that Henry and Zhoumi don't decide why and where they go. And as far as I know, Henry said that he didn't want to join the main super Junior band..
But there we are, and as much as it doesn't seem that they will be added, I'm still quite scared, because it's SM, and they can do anything, and it will be too late to say anything when they will be added, it's now that we have to speak up. I'm French, the queen country of strikes, and I can tell you that's how things work. lol~

But anyway i know that seeing how things are now, I wouldn't do those icons again. (And for the record, I never blurred or edited any pictures~)

Now, with a talk I had with a friend for the past 2 days, I started wondering again.
Last time I 'checked my stand' (lol), it was when SJM debuted. I tried to think what I wanted, and I decided and that was it. I wasn't hating them, I was just going to not care that much about them. I didn't want to get attached. Not a crime.

But then again.. These days I've started to think again, and it's crazy to take so much time on an issue like this: fandom, a boyband. When we say it like that it sounds pretty stupid.


Jungsoo and Youngoon said it at the 1000day party. They are only13. Forever. And they will 'protect 13 members'... But that's not the only thing they said.
Jungsoo asked everyone to support SJM, and ALL the members. Youngoon cares about henry a lot, and I won't even speak of the Kyumi and the Ryeo-henry. lol.

And when I remember that, I can't help but wonder if I really 'supported SJM', and ...all his members. The fact that I tried to stay away from SJM added to the few mistakes I made... it made me feel that I didn't support them.
On one hand, should I listen and follow every of Jungsoo's words. Soon he will ask me to jump out of the window and I will do it ( and it will please a lot of people around here~ right ? Well I know, you would prefer me to have a more violent death, but that's a start. )


Okay, I'm getting lost here, let's get back on track.
The fact is that I can't make a 90° turn in a day just like that. I can't change the way I'm seeing things in a blink of an eye. And I don't know where it's going to lead me.
I don't want Henry and Zhoumi to be added in the main band, not them and not any other boy. I don't want them to become regular members. My Super Junior are 13.

But I want to acknowledge Zhoumi and Henry more than what I did in the past. I know they deserve more love. And i know my boys love them. And I think they can become lovable very easily.

But they will never be Super Junior regular members in my heart. Not even in the leader's heart if SM decide that they will.

There's someone who doesn't like me, who's friend with a friend of mine, who said something that I like:


My super Junior are 13, the super junior family is 15.

I guess I'm slowly changing my mind this way. And I just wanted to write it down for the past few weeks... It also helps me to think. and I wanted to appologise for the Zhoumi entry.
That's still only what I believe in, and I don't ask anyone to do the same, and I don't care what people think. This is just me, period~